Gather around, my friends, and witness this battle royale to crown the greatest musical “Eruption” known to civilized men. The bout will feature an international field of legendary and notorious competitors, all poised to annihilate one another in an upheaval of rock and roll magma. Let’s meet the participants in this no holds barred, single elimination, hand-to-hand, etc.  contest:

First we have “Eruption” by Van Halen. This iconic fragment is the supersonic solo spot that launched a thousand shitty (and a few excellent) imitators, that sent a million teen hacks to attempt its flashy excesses on floor model Kramer Barettas (annoying music store salesmen across the world—they had it coming), that caused countless denim jacket wearing boneheads to ponder, “who the fuck is Rodolphe Kreutzer?” Regardless of whether fretboard tapping was invented by Billy Gibbons, Steve Hackett, or Francisco Tárrega, it was Eddie Van Halen who made the technique standard fare for every rock guitarist who followed. Not sure whether that is “credit” or “blame.” Additional points that might recommend this “Eruption” include the fact that there is no David Lee Roth buffoonery to endure, and only a very few moments of Michael Anthony’s insipid bass plunking.

Next, meet “Eruption” by Emerson, Lake & Palmer. It is the first section of the infamous Tarkus suite, one of progressive rock’s most bloated and preposterous episodes. “Eruption” reportedly sets the scene for the volcanic birth of Tarkus itself. You can practically visualize the fiery origin of the half-tank, half-armadillo (I told you it was preposterous) as Keith Emerson’s 10/8 keyboard figures spiral forth. Or … something. And was that a gong I heard? Of course it was. This track and the following example were both released in 1971, when beards were long and capes were longer. Lengthier still were some of the rock opuses of the day. It only seems fitting that such a high concept as this would feature an artsy, busy introduction. Greg Lake has said of Tarkus on the whole, “It’s about the futility of conflict … about revolution that’s gone, that has happened. Where has it got anybody? Nowhere.” Kind of reminds me of this article.

Finally, we have “Eruption” by Focus. You thought the ELP “Eruption” was an exercise in wankery? This one comprises all of side 2 of Moving Waves, the album that features the Dutch quartet’s best known song, “Hocus Pocus.” While the preceding “Eruption” is a movement of a larger work, the Focus piece is a suite itself, an adaptation of the tale of Orpheus and Euridice that would be right at home … on Tarkus. It’s actually a well developed, expertly arranged bit of music, if you’re into that type of thing. Fans of Hocus Pocus will be pleased to experience more of Jan Akkerman’s dazzling guitar work, but may be chagrined to find no further examples of Thijs van Leer’s yodeling. What a pity.

And now the results. The award for most influential goes to Van Halen’s “Eruption.” There’s just no denying that Eddie’s work truly did alter the landscape of the rock guitar literature. The award for most absurd goes to ELP’s “Eruption.” Any piece that shares space with and is attache to the likes of “Manticore” and “Aquatarkus” just has problems from the beginning.  And a citation for most ponderous must go to Focus’ “Eruption.” The band must be commended for releasing a side-long (permit me my vinyl LP vernacular in this instance) instrumental based on Greek mythology and clocking in at just over 23:00, even if it was the early ’70s.

And the loser in this epic event is clearly yours truly for devoting this much thought to the subject. Good day.

The Rack - Meditations on a Music Collection is what Troy Van Horn is thinking of when you assume he’s just staring at the wall.